A Letter to Santa from the North Pole’s Brand, Reputation, and Recognition (BRR!) department
Dear Santa –
We are writing to you because we believe that we, at the North Pole, need to model a more inclusive workplace. Throughout corporate America, more and more companies have been touting their DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion) initiatives. Although it might be seen as jumping on the sleigh, we think that as the world’s original workshop owner and first manufacturer, you should throw your prodigious weight (thanks to all that milk and all those cookies) around.
Additionally, we think it will help our corporate brand and reputation improve. We feel like our image at the North Pole suffered after word got out about how all of the other reindeer originally treated Rudolph. Not all news is actually good news!
Now much of the world focuses on and remembers that “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.” It’s been a challenge for Marketing to reconcile the fact that we retain such a detailed naughty or nice list for children, when it’s such public knowledge that the other reindeer verbally bullied him, but still got to fly your sleigh. A ban on them flying your sleigh for all days other than Christmas Eve has been deemed by the public to let the other reindeer get off too easily since it’s no different than how things were before. We’re being accused of being hypocrites, Santa.
Both the World Government Affairs and Marketing teams tried to brush things under the snow carpet. They released a joint statement in the North Pole Post, saying that they were disappointed by the words the other reindeer used. However, the media quickly pointed out that it wasn’t just verbal bullying, citing reports that “[the other reindeer] never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.” The media has gone so far as to call this discrimination, saying that “the North Pole clearly suffers from systemic segregation issues that have thus far been unaddressed by management.” They also noted that “the lack of networking opportunities available to Rudolph (and other reindeer of color) perpetuates an old boys’ club, allowing only those who look the same to rise in the ranks.”
Santa, we know Rudolph signed an NDA and received a very handsome settlement. However, we think we need to acknowledge that the other reindeer did exclude him, until you gave him an opportunity. People think it’s suspicious that the other reindeer suddenly changed their tune, wondering why it was “then [that] all the reindeer loved him as they shouted out with glee.” We know this is because your Elves told the other reindeer to act appropriately in front of you. Additionally, our intelligence reports that the other reindeer singing “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer” is actually a dangerous and derogatory slur and the words “you’ll go down in history” are a menacing threat of future violence against Rudolph.
We recommend you let go all of the other reindeer.
P.S. On a slightly different note, Legal recommends formally changing Vixen’s name. They think it’s a bit too adult considering we serve the children of the world.